Creepy Kochi

The morning following the Canoe ride in Alleppey, I planned to head about an hour north to Kochi (also known as Cochin). Before leaving, however, I planned to purchase 2 silver ankle bracelets (very popular among the Indian women), and of course, pick up my newly tailored outfit. Muthos was, again, a ready and willing accomplice. He took me to "his friend's" jewlery store, where I found 2 jingle-bell ankelettes... so now I'm as musical as all the other Indian women walking down the streets. Then, he took me to his friends shop to introduce me to a gaggle of girls, who ooooo-ed and ahhhhh-ed over my new purchases. Their sweet, shy smiles melted into hearty laughter as I allowed them to stick a bindi to my 3rd Eye, and paint gobs of black eyeliner under my eyes... I was their All-American Doll!

After picking up my new outfit which was perfectly traditional Indian style, save for the transparency of the lightweight silk I had purchased, I was on my way to Cochin. Cochin is an old European influenced Fort town... and a very popular tourist destination. I went straight to the Princess Inn to get a room and book one for my incoming friends the next day. It was a colorful little hotel, with all of the rooms painted in bright pastels, and a nice veranda common room for guests.

Confident and full of life after my best-possible experience in Alleppey, I approached Cochin with a light heart. The green-eyed man who greeted me offered me a room for 250 Rs on the bottom floor, down a small, wiry spiral staircase. I wasn't sure if I'd even be able to get my huge backpack downstairs! I followed him into the room, and it seemed okay to me... the price was definitely right. He invited me to get settled, then come and check in at the front desk.

During the check-in we went through the same Indian drill of a life-story-interview process filling out a long form full of random questions that really don't seem necessary for a room... nonetheless, I answered all questions in as best detail as I could, recognizing the same questions from the Springs Inn. This time I decided to try out my Indian name, Sita, as my preferred name. This hotel agent couldn't quite seem to get through one question without pausing to stare at me with his gaping green eyes, every now and then offering a very unnecessary compliment about my beauty. I felt a bit uneasy... but made light of it, and inquired about a room for my English friends the next day. He promised to reserve one for them, and tried to keep me there with small talk, every now and then infusing one of his dramatic compliments. I politely stayed engaged, until I saw my 'out,' then excused myself to wander the town.

Cochin was cute in its quaintness... but everywhere I walked, touts and shopkeepers called at me to come into their stores. I tried to browse... but as a girl who appreciates her autonomy while shopping, the eager-to-negotiate salesmen began to annoy me completely out of a shopping mood. So, I decided to walk along the jetty, towards the Fort. Even there, street vendors were ready to seize my attention, and I grew weary of politely acknowledging their requests. I made a bee-line back to my hotel room, trying to avoid Mr. Hotel Registrar. He was busy with new guests, thank God!

Only moments passed before there was a knock at my door. Drab! Could I just be left alone for a minute?! It was Mr. Hotel Man wanting to make sure everything was okay. He tried to keep me engaged in small talk again, but I excused myself saying I wanted to rest before dinner. Sheepishly he backed away apologizing profusely, and for some reason, I felt bad. What was going on here?

For dinner, I wanted to go to "Talk of the Town," a little family restaurant a couple blocks from The Princess Inn. I confirmed directions with Mr. Man, and then set off for dinner. The cat calls, whistles, touts, shopkeepers and practically every dog on the street tried to get my attention. At one point, the street was dark, and I was alone, except for an Indian man a few yards behind me, and two travellers arm in arm ahead of me... creeped out and feeling very uncomfortable, I quickened my stride to catch up with the two travellers asking them if I could join them... and very casually they agreed. I made it to the restaurant and had my first peace and quiet of the day.

The streetlight had come back on when I was ready to walk back to the hotel, and fortunatley, there were plenty of people on the streets. I made my way back to the hotel... again trying to sneak in before Mr. Man noticed I had returned. $#!+!... a knock at my door.

"Sita?" the dreaded hotel attendant called.
"Yes?" I answered through the door.
"I would like to show you something," I opened the door reluctantly to see him with sketch book and camera in hand. "I have some pictures I'd like to show you. It's okay?"

Unfortunately, I didn't quite know how to refuse, as I didn't want to seem rude (the bane of my existence in India). He asked me if I wanted "special tea," and I declined. I haven't quite figured out the laws around alcohol here, as it's sometimes available, and other times not... sometimes frowned upon, and other times not. Not being much of a drinker, especially while traveling, I pretty much stay on the safe side and avoid alcohol altogether. He tried again, offering me real tea this time... I accepted out of politeness... not really wanting black tea before bed... but not fully understanding at this point that it wouldn't have been rude to decline... he was actually invading my peace and privacy!

I made him stay in the doorway to show me his pictures, thinking that it was weird to invite him into my room. Hell, even answering the door was stupid this time... but I made polite conversation, until I felt okay dismissing myself. He asked me what time I would wake up in the morning... (why does he need to know)... and I answered 9 or 10. I wish I hadn't.

At 9am on the nose, he was again knocking at my door... this time, having better sense, I told him I'd be out when I was ready to come out. He apologized profusely, and went away. At this point I'd had enough, and I was beginning to see a real need for setting firm boundaries. It's funny how being alone in unfamiliar territory can sometimes consume any sense of empowerment (or in this case, self confidence in setting my own boundaries). I couldn't wait for my English friends to arrive!!! I pretty much stayed in hiding until they came (around 10:30am... though, in my mind, they couldn't have arrived later!).

Immediately upon Amanda and Jez's arrival I felt a significant surge of relief wash over me. Safety in numbers!!! I changed rooms to a more expensive one, just so that I could be next to them, and free from late-night visits in the solo-room downstairs! Amanda and Jez helped me to see more clearly that it is not my responsibility to be polite, but that its vital for me to hold hard boundaries here in India... especially because as I move north into more traditional states, harrassment for a western woman taveling alone is likely to get worse! They also asked if I'd feel more comfortable changing hotels... even though I would have, I decided that it would be good for me to stay, and if I was bothered again, it'd be a good opportunity for me to actually speak my mind. Fortunately, as I suspected, just being with my friends sent Mr. Stalker off in another direction... I was no longer as vulnerable as before. ... and later, we witnessed him in pursuit of the next victim guest.

The 3 of us spent the day on our own, away from the hotel... actually Jez and I were in Ernakulum all day trying to book 3 train tickets to GOA for the next day... That's another story in itself... but suffice it to say, success took standing in 3 (or more lines), speaking to 3 attendants, the main manager, and a couple supervisors.... plus, another trip to the Train station the next day to actually get the tickets in-hand. True Indian fashion!

Anyway, had dinner then went to an internet cafe to update our blogs. I finished early and stood outside people watching while I waited for Jez and Amanda to finish.... after all I'd been through in Kochi so far, I wasn't at all up for a walk back to the hotel alone... not to mention, the possibility of having to interact with Mr. Stalker again.

Anyway, while I was waiting, this strange man standing a few feet away, slowly but surely backed himself up to where I was standing. Practicing my new meditation of holding my own space, I didn't acknowledge him.

"Hello." He said in such a low whisper, I barely heard him.
Practicing, I gave no response. It felt good to stand my own ground.
"Hello?!" Still almost a whisper, but this time I heard him.
Again, I didn't budge. This one wasn't getting the open door from me!

Some time passed, and he slowly inched is way closer and closer, until he was standing next to me... but I was poised to spring into whatever action might be necessary, and my friends could see me where I was standing... there were lots of people on the street... and by now, I was somewhat of a familar face to the store merchants hanging outside of their shop doors... so I wasn't afraid.

A moment longer went by, and then he mustered up his drunken courage to try again.

"Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...." I couldn't quite make out a word he said, he was speaking so low... but it was evident he was addressing me. Still, I ignored him. He tried again... Slow as molasses, but still low and muffled, this time I could make out his awful words, "Whatever (pause) financial (pause) responsibility (pause. pause. pause.) I (pause) will (pause) pay. (?).

It took a brief second for the words to register... but then... Oh My God!!!!!!! This man is calling me a prostitute, soliciting services!!!! And with every energetic ounce of all of the once-before-vulnerability-now-turned-fury, I found my confident, ferocious, fierce, and fiery voice... crossed my arms with flat hands in front of my heart, and gave him the clearest don't-bother-me gesture laying my arms out in a you-just-barked-up-the-wrong-tree sign language with a hearty, "GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!"

Hopefully ashamed, he staggered away, with faces turned in our direction, and a couple of the store merchants rushing over to see that I'm alright. Inside, I was laughing. I felt good. Hell, I felt great! The big ahhh-haaa moment of how to stand firm in my boundaries in India was just unleashed, resonant in my being. It's strange to me that I would have a problem with this... as in familar surroundings I've been known to come off as fierce from the get-go.

So... that was Creepy Kochi... I found some sort of balance having visited the extremes of "openness" and "closed." I feel much more confident in my ability to call the shots in my own space, despite the fact that my defined space is changing all the time with new locations, scenery, and people nearly daily on this journey.... a skill that will come in handy for the rest of my life, I'm sure.

Stay tuned for adventures in GOA.

xo!